Brené Brown, perhaps best known for her TEDx Houston talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” (she also did a great one on shame), has spent more than a decade studying vulnerability, courage, shame and worthiness. Through her work, she has found that shame isn’t a very effective tool for changing behavior. For real change, we need to reframe the conversation by understanding the role of guilt and encouraging people to take responsibility.
Dr. Brown writes that, “Shame isn’t a motivator of positive change. Yes, it can be used in the short term to change a behavior, but it’s like hitting a plastic thumbtack with a 100-pound anvil — there are consequences to the crushing.”
Not only does shame fail at changing behavior, it can also trigger the very mistakes we’re trying to avoid.
Positive talk can help reframe your situation and open you up to envisioning a road back to your goals–financial or otherwise.
For instance, the next time you make a mistake and blurt out “You’re so stupid,” catch yourself, and instead say, “That’s OK. It was just a small slipup,” or “Yes, that was a big mistake, but I’ll learn from it, and I love myself anyway.”
At this week’s featured class, Self-Talk, on Thursday September 15th, you will learn to:
Portions reprinted from the New York Times, “Setting Aside Shame and Blame in Financial Decisions”